The Biggest Confidence KillersOct 06, 2022
Confidence can be tough to figure out sometimes–trust me, I get it! It took me decades to get where I am now with confidence and self-image, and it was a rocky road. Sometimes when I thought I was done with my confidence journey, I would unintentionally do things to set me back and I didn't even know it. The biggest confidence killers I had gone by unnoticed!
Looking back at my progress, I remember dozens of things I did or thought that hindered me. They were never on purpose, but they had a huge impact! The biggest confidence killers are usually by accident, so it's best to be mindful of them. My biggest confidence killers were things I did every day that brought me down bit by bit, things that seemed normal at the moment. You might even recognize some of them in your own actions!
1) Negative Self Talk
The occasional "I'm so stupid" has more meaning than you think. These phrases we say to ourselves when we feel inadequate or frustrated are deeply rooted and actually come from a place of insecurity. Even if it doesn't feel serious when you say it, it hints at something deeper–it could be a subconscious belief or sense of not being enough. Every joke has a grain of truth!
Instead of saying negative things about yourself (even if you think you're joking!), try changing it int something uplifting! Instead of bringing yourself down with words like "I can't do this", replace it with something inspirational like "I'll try harder!" or "I can learn from this!" These small changes made a world of a difference to me!
2) Surrounding Yourself With People Who Bring You Down
I was guilty of this for years. For most of my life, my self-image was so negative that I unintentionally surrounded myself with people who brought me down and made my insecurity worse. On the surface, you may not realize it, but if your friends don't support you, your dreams, or your progression, they're not worth your time! The saying "You're the average of those you spend your time with" exists for a reason!
Friends should be people who genuinely care about you. The people you devote your time to should be people who support you wholeheartedly and who push you to become more educated, happy, and healthy! They WANT to see you grow and become the best version of yourself possible. On the other hand, bad friends will bring you down because it makes them feel insure when they see you thrive. Who wants that? Attracting people worth your time isn't hard either– see my other post on how to do it!
3) Letting People Walk All Over You
Insecurity can show in many different ways, but letting people treat you however they want is the biggest example. Whether it be a toxic relationship or letting your peers speak to you in a condescending manner, allowing people to treat you negatively reflects your own negative opinion of yourself. Sometimes when people treat us with disrespect or disregard us, we may feel like it's deserved, so we accept that. Surprise–it's NEVER deserved.
High standards and confidence come hand in hand. If you truly love and cherish yourself, you should never allow others to treat you disrespectfully. Toxic friends should be dropped, draining relationships ended, and boundaries should be established! It may seem easier said than done, but by demanding respect, you begin to develop more appreciation for yourself and understand you deserve more. STOP SETTLING! The bare minimum isn't enough!
Remember: the journey for self-love is long and difficult and sometimes we can fall back into old habits. These confidence killers are only some examples of habits I had–habits that took me years to break. Don't get discouraged if you can't immediately change your life in a few weeks! Change takes time, especially if insecurity has been a part of your life for years.
Unlearning habits and discovering your worth is hard, but it's more than worth it – I can promise that it will be the best decision you've ever made. You got this!